I Hungry

I Hungry
Kellen said I needed this bumper sticker for my backpack.
I am grouchy! So be prepared for a grouchy post!
I am getting tired of walking around the house to the Dora song “Backpack Backpack” sung by my kids (Mekenzie). I am tired of making food and not eating it. I am tired of having this tube hanging from me and tripping on it. I am tired of having to lug this 20+ pound backpack with me everywhere I go. I am tired of having to go to the bathroom a million times a day. I am tired of “beeping” and sounding like I am carrying a bomb. I am tired of gaining weight even though nothing goes into my mouth. I am tired of being tired, and nauseas, and always having a tummy ache. I am tired of getting up at night and having to untangle all of the cords plugged in around my backpack. I am tired of tripping over my tube on the stairs, getting in the car, on the couch. I am tired of forgetting I am tethered to a bag only to walk away and rip the tape that is holding the tube onto my skin. I am tired of it being so hard to shower because I can’t get the arm my pic line is in wet. I am tired of asking my husband to help me wash my hair. I am tired of only being able to move 3 feet from where I drop my bag. I am tired my house is falling apart around me, and the laundry is not getting done because it is impossible to carry clothes with my huge bag. I am tired of sleeping but not feeling rested. I am tired that since CA is having a nursing crisis no one is actually in charge of my care so when I have a problem I go in circles until I realize no one cares. I am tired of getting labs drawn 1, 2 or 3 times depending on the week.
I have been on TPN or IV nutrition now for 6+ weeks. I go back and forth from feeling like its getting better to being miserable and not sure if any of this is working. On the bright side they are letting me eat some foods (yogurt, sf jello, and applesauce), the problem is anytime I put something in my mouth it makes me so sick I wish I didn’t.
I’m giving myself today to be grouchy. Then I am going to get over it and just deal with it. So Grrrrrrrrrrr …………… to be continued when I am feeling more positive (or I can fake it better then today).