Here we go again!

I need to post. I need to make time to post. I need to find the right attitude to post a little about our lives and what we are doing. But today is not that day. Today (or tonight) is the night that I am positive that the excruciating pain that I am feeling in one (yes, I now have two) of my stomachs is an ULCER!!! Yes, really. And I can't beleive it either. I cannot re-live the past year. I cannot put my family through it. I haven't even completely recovered from this past few months. Still trying to get control of my house, my job. I cannot mentally or physically do anymore/ handle anymore. I cannot continue to be in pain daily, or take the amount of meds I take to function on a daily basis. Maybe I can ignore it and it will go away? Wait.... I tried that last time and look where that got me. The doctors are going to scope it next Thursday (ouch)! Thursday is the ONLY day this month Kelly can't take me, I think he might need to be there to actually believe it but I already put it off a week because mentally I can't handle hearing the words, not ever getting this tube out, continuing to be in pain, and being put back on a very controlled liquid diet, or better yet NPO or "nothing by mouth". Be grateful for the chance to go out to dinner with your husband, family, or friends. It's something I've missed and only started to do over the last couple of weeks. Looks like it is going to come to a quick end. I better not have done all this for nothing! Enough complaining I know, it could be worse, right? Not gonna lie, sometimes this feels like "worse".
Here we go again.........