An Answer?!?! Maybe?

It's late and it's quiet in the house. It's midnight so the kids are sound asleep, Kelly is sound asleep. I am not usually able to stay up too late but tonight is different and I am making myself do something other then the panicing I have been doing so far tonight, so I am blogging. I am having my stomach scoped tomorrow in preperation for surgery, to be scheduled as soon as they can fit me in ,(and the doctor gets back from vacation). I am not a fan of being scoped. Usually you are asleep when they do it but the last two times I have had it done at UCDavis they have not got me completely asleep before starting, and it hurts. I am anxious that they wont find anything, or that what they do find cannot be fixed. I am anxious that after over 5 months (close to 6) I need an answer and a solution to fix the hell I have been going through. I am a tough girl. Over the last 2 years I have found strength I never knew I was capable of. I feel like I can handle almost anything. The last 5 months have brought my life to a halt. Just when I think that the pain I am in cannot get any worse I am proven wrong. When I think my body has had all it can take, something else happens or starts to fail. This all started as a little ulcer that I let go (I was trying to be a good mother first, like all mothers do). I had no idea that over a 6 month period of time I would carry a bag for all my nutrients, and over that period of time (5 months) I would eat, in total, the amount of food one person would eat in a week. I had no idea that my strong body would fail me and quit absorbing vital nutrients or that my organs would start showing signs of shutting down. I had no idea that my kids would react by not allowing me to be alone or panicing if I even "look" like I don't feel good. I had no idea that my husband would have to take over the house chores, as well as his normal chores, and even a few things a husband should not have to do. I had no idea that my dear friends would have to come and take care of me, and drive me to and from appointments. I like being independant and being able to handle it all. It is what I am good at, I am not good at this. I want to get my house cleaned, get my Christmas shopping done, and go back to doing the things I need to. I'm not gonna lie I also want to walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night without having to untangle my "cord" that I am hooked to, not have to spend the 15 minutes before I get in the shower "preparing" my arm so my pic line does not get wet, go to a nice dinner with my husband and even order dessert. As I type this I am thinking that I need to be grateful I have a husband that works hard so we have the money to buy food I will one day be able to eat, have hot water so even though its a pain to shower its warm and clean, and live in a house I have things to untangle from my chord. That is what I am going to focus on tonight as I sit here worrying about tomorrow and what will be the next step in getting me better so I can get my life back.

Decision Time

Tomorrow is the day. I think that I have tried everything I can at this point to avoid surgery. It has been 4 full months on "the backpack" and I have just got sicker. Now along with the pain I am not absorbing what I need to survive. I don't want to let someone cut my belly open, but it sounds like I no longer get too much say in what I want. I am ready to feel better. I thought it was the worst it could get a few months ago. I was wrong. I am in excruciating pain, at times I am doubled over, in agony. I am not sleeping, or functioning. I consider myself to have an extremely high tolerance for pain so the fact the pain is bringing me to my knees is bad. We meet with my doctors tomorrow afternoon and I am extremely anxious. He has given my three options, all of which I hate! I have decided the option I want and at this point just hope they will move quickly. I know a couple of weeks ago he would have done it immediately. The doctor told me he feels like he is being inhumane to continue to watch me suffer through this.
Pray that the doctor will let me choose the decision, and that I will not get put in the hospital at my visit tomorrow (he keeps threatening me), and that I can get all my Christmas stuff done! It is stressing me out. I am NOT a last minute person so not having the shopping done or anything decorated is soooo stressful for me. I'm going to work on it over the next few days, I am sure it will get done, right :)

Have Joy

Every day like a lot of you I do a little "blog surfing", especially lately. I am a little embarrassed to admit that I spend a lot of my day sitting on the couch, with my laptop (I don't know how people actually live without one :), waiting for all of you to update your blogs. Luckily I read a few trusty blogs with updates daily. One of my favorites is "Have Joy" http:// http:// have-joy@blogspot.com!! I actually look forward to her daily updates and have even learned a thing or two. Right now she is doing a give away from California Carmel Company! Nothing says "Fall" like a caramel apple!
Sitting at my laptop reading blogs, eating chocolate and caramel!! I can't think of anything I love more!! Now if only I was eating....... but more on that later when I am in a more positive mood!

Update

I have decided this is the easiest way to update. We are not good at answering the phone or making/returning phone calls. I even been too lazy (or tired) to answer emails.
It's been a rough week. I lost my picc line last week (it broke) so I got a new one last Friday. Since (last) Saturday I have been in a lot of pain. My arm has swelled and throbbed, clear down to my finger tips. And I have been soooo tired! Not a little, "I need a nap" tired but a "I cannot keep my eyes open even though I just woke up", tired. I talked to the doc on Tuesday and she told me to take meds and I would be fine. Went to SF with Kellen's class on Wednesday and truly thought I was going to die by the time we got home.
Called the doctor Thursday morning and she finally decided she was concerned. She scheduled labs, a CT scan, and an ultrasound for right then. I left work, drove to UCDavis, did my labs, then to ultrasound. My ultrasound was PAINFUL and she briskly walked around the curtain (very private) to call my doc and tell her that I had a blood clot. I asked if I could go grab a drink and her comment was, "Hunny they are gonna send you home to get a toothbrush and come back. You can't go get a drink." That made me feel good, or not. After talking to the doctor for a bit she sent me to her office (it is hooked to the hospital). I was not happy to see she was an hour behind. Did you know if you have a blood clot you don't even have to wait two minutes, let alone an hour? We talked and she decided she was going to have them pull my new picc line with ultrasound to see what the blood clot does. Then insert a new picc line. Have I mentioned picc lines HURT! I am not a fan. They hurt when they do them and then a few days after..... The give you a shot or two of lidocane to numb the spot insert a metal wire from your elbow, past your shoulder, and into the major vein running to your heart (that is how I understand it). Then they insert a dilator, or a hurts like nothing you've ever felt, into your arm. Then they insert the picc. They claim that I have to skin of a elephant and have to use a scalpel to make a small incision to get it in, they run it up my arm, around my elbow, up my neck (until the flush it and realize it is in the wrong spot) then down my neck. After all that you wait for xray, then wait for someone to read it only to tell you it is in too far. They then remove the 6 rolls of tape they have put on your arm (maybe only 5 :) to pull it out and tape it up again, only to have it untaped and checked again in 24 hours.
After my picc we were sent back to the doctors office to have a "pow-wow". Again if you were just torchered they don't make you wait too long. We talked about the fact I am actually doing better then they expected and that I should still feel like crap (an understatement at this point) and that it might be time to take a look and run some tests to see what is going on. The doctor also decided that he might try to go in and cut out the spot but not until December. I have to get healthier and there has to be less swelling (it needs to be smaller so he can cut out a safe portion). I left miserable. In pain, frustrated, and I think getting sick.
We were home about 20 minutes and the doctor called (I think she missed me). She said she had just got my labs back and I have a dangerously low amount of iron (hmmmm maybe why I'm sooooo tired?!?!) My ulcer is bleeding (could have told you that) and my old picc bled a pretty good amount. So she called in a huge amount of iron and talked about doing infusions (I think that means in my picc line, not sure. It cannot go into my "backpack" because of the other stuff in it. I guess it won't absorb).
Anyways, that is where I am at. I went back to the hospital today for them to take a look at my picc line (thanks Ann for driving me)! I go again Monday. BOTH of my arms are sore. I have been instructed to ice one and put heat on the other. I am exhausted (hospital and soccer all I could do today). I for some reason have a horrible metallic taste in my mouth and flushing saline into my line makes it a million times worse (even the See's candy I snuck today tasted awful)! AND to top it off.... I am getting sick. I have the sorest throat, it is swollen and is making me even more miserable (I thought that wasn't possible, I was wrong.... again)!
The reality is it could be worse, I'm sure it could. Maybe if I spent less time complaining I would feel better. Maybe I should work on that! I really appreciate everyone for their prayers, love support, and all the help we've had! I can not do it by myself anymore, even though I am trying! We feel so blessed to have such fantastic family and friends!! I am taking some meds and going to bed. Hoping to make it to church for at least a little while tomorrow! Goodnight!

We MUST Need A Vacation?!?!?!?

A remote control car came driving at me the other day. It crashed into my feet and this is what I saw first:



It says, "Take the one under". So I lifted it up and and there was another note.



It says. "go on vacation you need it"

It was from Camden. So stinking cute! I am thinking we need to plan a vacation?!?!?

This is NOT what I meant when I taught my kids to share

I am having a rough day.......
Kellen left for Sly Park, which has been sooo much harder for me then I thought it would be! Because of my own health I am stuck NOT being able to go with him. It makes me mad, and sad. Really sad.
I woke up and thought I was just tired, I went from saying goodbye to Kellen straight to work. I got my stuff and sat down at my desk and my head just started spinning, and throbbing. I called my boss, said I was going home to get some medicine and then I would be back. I never made it back. I am sick. Mekenzie was sick last week, she shared. I don't have time to be sick, and sadly I don't even have the energy to be sick. Even carrying my backpack to and from the bathroom is too much right now. I think I got sick because I let my guard down and had a pity me day. Grrrrrrrrrrr. I am lucky to have Mekenzie and Camden here. Mekenzie took care of dinner and picking up after (she is a really good kid)! Camden gave me a hug when I had a meltdown a minute ago. I said, "I'm so sorry, I don't know what is wrong with me"!
He replied, "It's ok, you're just being a mom". Sooo cute, and so sweet! Made my night! And his since how could I tell him he could not sleep in my bed after that?
I am sure tomorrow will be a better day. It has to be, right?!?!?

I got over it

I took my few days, felt sorry for myself. Now I am over it and back to doing what I've got to do. We are really fine, really. My attitude is much better and I am back to being able to tackle the world!
I AM having a little panic attack about Kellen going to Sly Park without me this week, the doctor (mine) will not let me go with him. Kelly will go for a few days and then we will go up to "flush" him in the evenings for the last few. I've never NOT been the one to take care of him all day and it is worrying me a little. I know he will be fine so I'm not sure why I am worried, but I am.
Kelly took both of the boys camping this weekend with the scouts. I miss them and am ready for them to come home but it is always nice to have time just me and Mekenzie. She is just getting more fun to do things with as she gets older. I LOVE spending time with her! Since neither of us felt good we really haven't done anything exciting, but it was nice to be together (just picked her up a breakfast - it is 11:00am - of french toast sticks, curly fries, and a oreo shake)!
Now to cuddle on the couch in my snuggie and let Mekenzie bring me laundry to fold! See were good!

I Hungry

I Hungry
Kellen said I needed this bumper sticker for my backpack.
I am grouchy! So be prepared for a grouchy post!
I am getting tired of walking around the house to the Dora song “Backpack Backpack” sung by my kids (Mekenzie). I am tired of making food and not eating it. I am tired of having this tube hanging from me and tripping on it. I am tired of having to lug this 20+ pound backpack with me everywhere I go. I am tired of having to go to the bathroom a million times a day. I am tired of “beeping” and sounding like I am carrying a bomb. I am tired of gaining weight even though nothing goes into my mouth. I am tired of being tired, and nauseas, and always having a tummy ache. I am tired of getting up at night and having to untangle all of the cords plugged in around my backpack. I am tired of tripping over my tube on the stairs, getting in the car, on the couch. I am tired of forgetting I am tethered to a bag only to walk away and rip the tape that is holding the tube onto my skin. I am tired of it being so hard to shower because I can’t get the arm my pic line is in wet. I am tired of asking my husband to help me wash my hair. I am tired of only being able to move 3 feet from where I drop my bag. I am tired my house is falling apart around me, and the laundry is not getting done because it is impossible to carry clothes with my huge bag. I am tired of sleeping but not feeling rested. I am tired that since CA is having a nursing crisis no one is actually in charge of my care so when I have a problem I go in circles until I realize no one cares. I am tired of getting labs drawn 1, 2 or 3 times depending on the week.
I have been on TPN or IV nutrition now for 6+ weeks. I go back and forth from feeling like its getting better to being miserable and not sure if any of this is working. On the bright side they are letting me eat some foods (yogurt, sf jello, and applesauce), the problem is anytime I put something in my mouth it makes me so sick I wish I didn’t.
I’m giving myself today to be grouchy. Then I am going to get over it and just deal with it. So Grrrrrrrrrrr …………… to be continued when I am feeling more positive (or I can fake it better then today).

Breaking the Rules!

My kids are precious. No, really precious! They are so [over] protective of me lately and what might seem cute is really not so cute anymore. Let me explain.... Other then sips of water I am not supposed to put anything in my mouth,(except gum, I think, but I am not going to ask....just in case they tell me no)!! This is a big rule. They want my stomach to heal so when I eat, it has to work and can't heal. If I even considered eating anything, before my hand actually got to my mouth Mekenzie, Kellen, or Camden would have tackled me and taken whatever I THOUGHT I might want to eat out of my hand (this might have happened once or twice).
You don't realize what a habit eating is. I get up every morning, pour my cereal, and eat while I read my email. When I get home from work I eat my lunch while I check my Facebook. Dinner is a family event at our house, I cook and we eat together as a family. Breakfast and lunch have been bareable to miss. Dinner is another story. I have to go upstairs while my family eats, it is sad but the only way I can do it (and I sit on my bed and sob feeling sorry for myself....ok enough with the dramatics).
Tonight everyone but Mekenzie and I went to bed early (yeah!!). We love our time together!! I really wanted some cheetos - really, really bad. I found some "Munchie Mix" in our cupboard and figured I would "suck" on the cheetos. Do you know how hard it is to "suck" on cheetos?? I think one or two (they were the size of pencil lead by the way, no big, good cheetos), might have slipped down my throat and into my tummy. Shhhhhhhh.... don't tell my kids, they will have my stomach pumped!!
Are you wondering if I felt satisfied? I had to have Mekenzie bring me a medication for nasuea. NO, it wasn't worth it. Next time I'm going for something better like See's Scotchmallows, my favorite treat, so when I am sick I will have at least snuck something good!! Ugggggg!

Comings and Goings

The kids keep bugging me to blog. I try to explain to them that no one ever reads our blog, and we already know what is going on in our lives. That did not make them happy so I am blogging. I haven't blogged because I figure it would take forever to get caught back up. Feel free to stop anytime if you get bored.....
Let's start with Camden.
Camden had a milestone birthday in July. He turned 8!!!! We celebrated by having family from out of town, his baptism, and his Birthday Party at Safetyville!! It was a great weekend for him!


He also completed swim lessons and finally seems to have "got it" this year!! He didn't even seemed freaked out when they jumped off the diving board!

We also spent some time doing our favorite thing - 4 wheeling (Quadding to those of you who are not from Utah).

The boys started back to school on July 26th! They LOVEd Their teacher and seem to be having a great start!!! Next up is Camden's busy soccer schedule!
I think Camden has had a great summer! He is such a good kid and can entertain himself for hours, we love it!! In fact right now he is hammering away in the garage building a bat and ball holder!!
Next is Kellen -
Kellen has spent the past many weeks playing basketball. He loves it, and I would love to say that he is part of a winning team with great players, but I am against lying, so I won't. He is a good foot and a half shorter then anyone on his team. He is however,(and I am saying this without bragging, I promise), the very best player on the team. I wish I had pictures, I will have to post them later!
Kellen also enjoyed the time with family in town. His cousin Jodan and him really had fun together. They played so good and were buddies the whole time!!


We had a ton of fun going to Jelly Belly, Quadding, Safetyville, hanging out in the hot tub, and Old Town!!
Kellen's health has been pretty good too. He had a few weeks with a lot of pain and they were concerned about a stricture but he seems to be doing pretty good making it to school most days and having a couple of pretty good weeks (yeah!)
Then there is Mekenzie. She has kept us REALLY busy this summer with all she is involved in. I have a funny feeling it is a glimpse of the future for us.
She started out the summer with her Dance Recital dancing with Elk Grove Dance. She did a beautiful ballet number and three clogging dances. She was awesome!!!


It was so fun to watch her this year in dance! It is making us look forward to her performances with the Sheldon High Dance Company!
She also had the great oppurtunity to dance in the Strauss Festival. Strauss is a festival that has been in Elk Grove for 20 or so years (I think). It is sooooo fun! Mekenzie got to ba a part of the Polka Group, which is the best part of the whole show! The boys tossed the girls in the air, spun them around, flipped them over. It was sooooo good!



She has been really busy! She spend most of the day dancing or singing. Mekenzie does not start school until Monday but she got her schedule tonight and is really excited to get started (Does dance, weight training, and English sound like a rough schedule??? She better get all A's!!!)! She has tryouts for Elk Grove Musical Theatre Companies production of Annie on Tuesday and is currently practicing for the start of school events with the Dance Company!
Kelly - I should let him write this part. He has done a little bit of fishing, helping Kellen to catch his very first fish!! He has been able get out and do a little bit of quadding but I know he has not got to do enough of either of these things! The boys keep bugging him to take them camping so I see a camping trip in their near future.
He is finally getting busy at work and he loves it! He really does like his job when things are going well and he is busy! He has been doing the mom and dad job's around here while I recover from a illness and he has done a great job (I think he is just about done with it all though!)!!
I have stayed busy with the kids, house, and work. I have had this pesky ulcer that will not go away. After 2 visits to the emergency room and numerous calls to the doctor they took a look and could not believe I was still functioning (I am guessing they don't have 3 kids, a job, and a house). Right after they took a look I was admitted to UC Davis Hospital where I spent 4 days, they inserted a pic-line, and have put me on TPN or IV nutirition. I am not able to eat ANYTHING for the next few weeks (possibly months) while they hope that it will heal. You do not relize how much eating is a habit and it is weird to not be able to do it! It has been a week and I am miserable. I still have no energy and am in some pain but hope it will quickly heal and I will soon feel better then I have in months!! I had been telling the docs for weeks I was in pain and really sick but they did not realize just how bad it was. (I was gonna post pictures but I thought that might be TMI). So if you see me with my backpack, and a tube hanging out of my shirt - don't offer me food!! I am scheduled to have the tube in until February (yes, really February) but will eventually go on a night schedule instead of the 24hours I am currently doing and adding back some soft, bland foods into my diet. We have been blessed with great neighbors and friends that have stepped up to help us out!
I think that is everything in a nutshell! If you made it this far.... AMAZING!!! I am going to be better to blog and not let it go so I feel so overwhelmed when I need to do it! Yes kids, I promise!!

17 Years

Today is a special day at our house! It is our 17th Anniversary!!! I still cannot believe that it has been that long. As I think back to all we have accomplished and all we have been through It amazes me that the time has flown by so quickly. I am grateful that I have been blessed with a man that uses his priesthood to bless our home and who is supportive and loving to me and the kids on a daily basis. We have been through the hardest yeat in either of our lives but we are making it through, together!!!
We have a tradition to head out of town for our Anniversary, a much needed weekend alone. Unfortunattly I have been really sick and spent the past week in the hospital. I even left with a fancy tube feeding me (I hate it!!), so not even a dinner out tonight. We are looking forward to a get-away in a few weeks and some much needed time alone!
We made it 17....... here's to 17 more!

SHE DID IT!
Mekenzie tried out for the Universal Rhythm team at school (the dance team). She worked really hard through a week of learning the routines then trying out in front of a team of judges. She has had to wait a very long 3 weeks to find out that she made it! Needless to say she is SOOOOO excited! And we are SOOOOOO proud of her! It will be a fun year full of dance performances for us to attend! We are so happy for her!

Surprise!

We have had a very laid back week this week. A lot of resting and recovering for us, which is what we needed. A few things HAVE caught me off guard this week though. The first one being Easter. How did Easter already get here? I am a planner, everything is always done way ahead of time so when I realized that Easter is THIS Sunday I was in a panic. My panic only increased when I went to Target and they had nothing left for Easter!!! Luckily over the last few days I have been able to get some things together and my kids will have Easter (it was a close one!).
The other happened today. I was laying on the couch, tired. I have been really tired lately but unable to sleep so when a moment comes and I get to lay on the couch it is a pretty sure thing I will fall asleep, so I did. The door bell rang, and Kellen yelled for me to get it because he did not know who it was (following the rules, good boy). At my door were two very sweet missionaries from our church. They said they had been trying to call the last couple of days, (we have been bad at answering the phone, and checking our messages), they wanted to make sure we knew we had signed up to feed them....tonight! (Now I love Kelly, he is usually so good at letting me know when he signs up for something that might need my preparation, but he didn't mention it this time. He does not even remember doing it.)
I had been so efficient today. Knowing I needed a restful day I had put some of our families favorite, bean soup, in the crock pot. I could NOT feed these sweet 20 year old boys bean soup!!! I asked them what they wanted for dessert (figured they needed something they really wanted), and they wanted peach pie and ice cream. Did I mention it was 3:00 and they needed to eat at 5:00 in order to make it to an appointment they had. I acted like we were prepared, no big deal, needless to say I was off and running!! Did you know Costco has peach pie?? It saved us!! We picked up some peach pie, ice cream, rolls, and fruit for salad. Then I decided they needed some meat (20 year old boys, remember!), luckily they had some tri-tip that looked just our size (yeah!) We ran around like crazy people but when the missionaries got here it looked like we had planned all day (thanks to all my kids, and the friends that were here, AND Kelly coming home early to help). It was a strange mix of food (I had to include the BEAN SOUP!) But they were so grateful (if only they knew!!) It ended up being a great dinner and the thing they liked the best, the bean soup, who knew!!! I wont mention that both of my boys got sent to bed early for showing off the whole time - some inappropriate jokes and a little "pants-ing" issue.
Moral of the story....I should have just finished my nap and fed them the bean soup!

Never say, "it cant get worse"!

I am hoping this is the lesson I am supposed to learn. That even when things seem really bad, they could quickly become even worse.
Our family has really struggled lately. Mostly surrounding Kellen's health. It has at many times felt like it was as bad as it could get (I have explained it many times as the bottom of a deep, dark pit we cannot seem to be able to climb out of). It has been exhausting!! I have said out loud many times that it really could not get any worse, I was wrong. I am blogging only because I am not sure it is believable, it's almost embarrassing!
Last Thursday (a week and a half ago) I woke up in the middle of the night with pain in my stomach. Not just tummy pain but intense pain! Having had an ulcer in the past I figured this was what it was, just worse then I have had before. I usually get a little bit of warning, not this time. I woke up Thursday, called the doc and he had me immediately come into the office. I got there and could not even get water down at that point. He tried to admit me but we both agreed that if I came into the office the next few days until he could scope it I could stay at home, so I did. I painfully got through the week with little sips of water and that is about all. Wednesday he scoped it and confirmed I have a ulcer, (a large crater eating through the lining of my stomach), that is due to lack of blood flow to that area. There is nothing he could do until he is able to consult a surgeon. So I came home, still in a lot of pain. Later in the day my left side started to hurt. Not just a little pain but the double over, I think I might actually die pain. I could deal with the pain but when I could no longer urinate I decided I might need to go to the doc. I gave them a call, they said to come now, so I did. Kelly had to drive me since I had been under anesthesia just a few hours before for the ulcer so we got there and I told him to stay in the car so he could work, I went in. I walked in got a few drops of urine out and they told me I could walk or take an ambulance but they were admitting me to the hospital. I was not happy...to make a long story short I told them no, they told me to call someone to be with me, I called Kelly to come in from the car. After going back and forth they offered 3 choices. All of them we ending up with me in the hospital. So I had no choice, and went. They decided I had a kidney stone and a kidney - bladder infection. They also decided I had some kind of blockage that was not allowing me to urinate.
Now, did I mention that we left Camden home with Mekenzie? He had a fever of 103, he was throwing up, and he would not move from the couch??? He was one sick boy....
We got to the hospital, they ordered tests (I sent Kelly home to be with Camden for the night), they pushed a ton of fluids into me (this was my favorite part since I could not urinate I imagined that at some point my bladder might actually explode!) and got me started on a million drugs. After a long night, no sleep, lots of tests, being so sick from the side effects of the drugs they were giving me, it was all confirmed. Kidney infection, stone, and a cyst on my left ovary. After 24 hours I passed the stone (can you say....ouch!) and even though I was still very miserable I could urinate and they released me (against their better judgment), into the care of my OBGYN - so I got to come home (Yeah!!). My day started with a ulcer, I had no idea it would end with me being sent to the hospital overnight.
We got home and Camden seemed to be a little worse. Still a high fever, throwing up, and now complaining of excruciating pain on his right side. I could only think of when Kellen did the same thing it was his appendix. I had Kelly take him to urgent care. 4 hours later they decided he had pneumonia and sent him home with 2 antibiotic shots and two prescriptions.
So we are both home, little bit miserable, but recovering! It has been a very long week, one I would not like to relive very soon. We are hoping by Monday we both feel a little better and can do what we need to.
The moral of the story... Don't ever say it can't get worse. Someone might think that is a challenge to show you that actually it can! I am off to go to take some meds. 2 for my ulcer, 2 antibiotics, a pain pill, a pill to counteract the nausea from the pain pill, and something to help w/ kidney function. I think that is all!

Bacon!!

My boys LOVE bacon. It is disgusting. They could eat bacon for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and a million snacks throughout the day. I personally HATE bacon (so does Mekenzie), but I decided to oblige and make them breakfast for dinner. I take great pride in my cooking. I love to cook and my family usually enjoys everything I make, there are usually very few complaints. So tonight we were running a little behind with a science fair project needing to be done, haircuts, Kellen's "flush" still not done, Kelly and Mekenzie needed to leave for a project and everything else that is waiting to be done.
I threw some bacon in the microwave and some in the pan then fried up the eggs. I kind of forgot about the ones in the microwave.... here is what happened!

The kids all had a good laugh and were amused by the bacon "brick". Luckily I had salvaged some that was frying up in the pan (yes, I bring home the bacon, and fry it up in the pan!), and they were all happy. I even saw them sneaking some of the hard bacon, peeling off the paper towel cooked to it, and trying to chew it! They are going to really appreciate dinner tomorrow night.... no matter what I make it can't be this bad!!

Family Updates

I know, it has been a while so I am going to do a quick update on everybody's comings and going's.
Let's start with Camden. Camden has been involved in the wonderful world of indoor soccer. He is having a great time playing with a great group of boys! We are making him take a short break for the next 9 weeks and he is a little mad at us (he will get over it). He loves to always be on the "go" to the park, to ride his bike, anywhere! I know he is looking forward to the summer when he can be outside all of the time. He is also into helping Kelly "build" and "fix" things. He has his own tool bag and is always there with a hammer and screwdriver. He really wants to build a box. Just a box (he is simple like that). He is doing great in school, just got all "A's" on his report cards. He is looking forward to soccer starting again, being able to play as much basketball at the park as he can, and going off track in 2 weeks!
Kellen is continuing to heal from his 2 really hard surgeries. He has had a really rough couple of months. It has been hard to watch him be so sick and it to be so out of our control. He does not like to go too far from home so it has been nice that he has been wanting to go to the park to play basketball a little bit lately. He has had a sense of humor through everything that has been going on and we are so proud of him and the way he has reacted. He is always making us laugh and is our entertainment around here. He is looking forward to more time at the park, an eventual day with friends, and going off track in 2 weeks (they are both ready, along with me to be going off track!)
Mekenzie has been crazy busy. She has been taking a clogging (very cool, not "honkey-tonk" like you might think) and ballet class. She is also a part of the Elk Grove Musical Theater Company and will be performing in the play Alice in Wonderland jr the end of April. She also just tried out for the high school dance team. She will not know for a couple more days if she made it but it has kept her really busy. Along with church, school, and the social life of a 15 year old girl she is super busy, in a good way. She has a great group of friends and has grown a lot over the past year. She works really hard at school and has the good grades to show for it! She is a huge help around the house and just a great kid! I enjoy her more and more all the time. I enjoy our "date" nights and our trips to run "errands" she is really fun to spend time with.
Kelly has been trudging along in the world of paint. It has been long winter in the paint world. He is hoping with the sun coming out that the "paint gods" will shine down and bring some business to him (his words, not mine)! He is also working on our yard and garden. He LOVES his yard. If his grass is not the greenest and most lush he is not happy. He made our kitchen a "green house" for his garden seedlings. It is making me crazy but will be really nice when I see everything growing! He is planning the upcoming summer to include lots of fishing, riding of the quads, and maybe some camping. Him and Camden tried to take the quads out the other day but they would not start (Camden is still mad about it!). They are fixed and ready to go! So is he!!!
Then there is me. I really don't know what to write about me. I am working two jobs, not on purpose (I am trying to quit one, really!!!), and am exhausted! I am still trying to get used to our "new normal" as our family has gone through so many changes over the last 3 months. I have been busy working, running the kids around, and being the 24 hour caregiver around here. I feel like I have been stretched to my limit and am trying to find a little "me time" in my week. I actually took a day off last week and literally did not know what to do with myself (planned to stay home in jammies but I could not do it, had to run errands and get some things done).
We are looking forward to Open House at school, a visit from grandma (which includes some alone time for me and Kelly - what will we do?? Not sure we even remember how to be alone), finding out if Kenzie made the team, off track time, Spring Break, Easter, Alice in Wonderland, Kellen to get healthy, and some quadding family time. I plan to get better at this, I might even include pictures next time!

Kellen is 11

Kellen is 11 today!
It does not seem like that long ago that Kellen came into the world. When he decides to do something he does it good. That included his birth, my labor and delivery...under and hour!
He was a very "wanted" baby. We worked hard to get him here. Tests, medication, the whole thing. When he came into this world he was completely silent. Even scaring the doctor enough that he made sure to tell us that even though he was not crying he was doing great and was completely healthy, just not screaming. Little did we know that he would scream constantly for the next 18 months. We LOVED him so much we barely even noticed that all he did was cry, and cry, and cry. But it was ok, we were so happy to have him.
It seems like it has been the longest, and slowest, year of our lives but when I look back at how fast my children are growing it seems to be going by to quickly!! Kellen has had a really hard year and has had to deal with some life altering changes. It, amazes me as I look back over the past year, that all that has happened in Kellen's life he still has a great attitude and sense of humor. He has dealt with his past year so much better then I would have expected, better then I could do! He has an amazing spirit, and attitude about all that he has to go through. That does not mean he does not have some tough times, he does, but he works his way through it and moves on. Knowing "it is what it is".
One of our birthday traditions is that I picked up the kids from school on their birthday and take them to lunch. Today Kellen chose the Chinese place down the street. At the end of our meal as we read our fortunes we both agreed they could not have been more perfect, it was a little bit weird! Kellen's said, "Determination will get you through". I will be saving this one and reminding him of it as often as he (we) need. Mine said, "Don't waste time on what might have been". Is the fortune cookie maker looking over our shoulder? I seem to have spent a lot of time on the things I WANTED for Kellen, the ones that are no longer an option. He wanted to be in the military, not gonna happen (not sad for me on this one, just sad he cannot fulfill his dream). If he decides to serve a mission for our church he cannot go anywhere but home, no adventures out of State, or out of the Country. These are the things I personally think about and worry about for him. I guess I need to stop!
I am so proud of Kellen and I feel blessed every day to be his mother! I could not ask for a better child. I am sure that Kellen is meant to do great things in this world, I can hardly wait to see what he does with the next 80 years!!
Happy Birthday Kellen, We love you!!

This is What it has Come to..

Our lives have changed over the last 6 weeks. We now have a "new normal" as I have mentioned a million times before. We are settling into a routine, of course just in time to have it all shook up by round two of Kellen's surgeries tomorrow, but a routine none the less.
When we flush Kellen we are in the bathroom a long time, usually with the door open. So yesterday Grandma Roblyer had sent the kids some mail for Valentines. They LOVE getting mail from Grandma and always wait to open it when they are together, it is very cute. The boys had been waiting for me and Mekenzie to get home from the eye doctor so when we walked in they wanted to open that package. Kellen was being flushed so without even thinking about it we all piled into the bathroom to open our cards and discuss our days ,(and what we were going to do with the $2 grandma sent, ice cream!!!!).
We all started to laugh when we realized we were gathered around the toilet to have our "family time". This is what life has become at the DeVoogd house. It was funny until Kellen decided he needed some privacy and told everyone to "get out" and "close the door". When everyone left his response, "Will I ever have privacy again"? All I could say is, "Probably not, Probably Not"!!

25 Things

I am jumping on the bandwagon and posting my 25 things list from Facebook. This was a hard one for me. It took a long time to think of 25 random things about me. SO here is mine...and hold your breath...Kelly is working on his and I will post it here when he is done (he is on #6).
You are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you.
1. I am totally against doing this, and even as I type wonder why I am but decided I might actually learn something about myself while getting my friends off my back :).
2. I do not like ice cream....do not like is not strong enough. I HATE ice cream!
3. I met my husband when I was 6 and he was 9. No it was not love at first sight..in fact him and his brothers were the troublemakers of the neighborhood. We were re-introduced years later by our mothers and only then became good friends.
4. I am a huge creature of habit. I am not good with change. I eat the same thing, at the same time for breakfast everyday. If I miss a day I am totally thrown off.
5. I dont sleep, ever. I used to live for my 8 hours a night and sadly I am learning to live on a lot less. Maybe 4 or less a night. I do take a little nap Sunday afternoons but that is about it!
6. I love, love, love my children. I have never wanted anything more then to be a mom, and I love it. Even during the hard times I am so greatful that I was able to have children, and I get to raise them. I secretly wish I had more, but know 1 more would be more then I could handle.
7. I dont like to yell (or be yelled at). I grew up in a house where there was a lot of yelling (sorry mom and dad it's true). It makes me feel like I am 5 when people yell. I actually have a physical reaction to it! It is something I dont want to pass on to my kids so you will hardly ever hear me yell. If I do you better run, I have been pushed too far!
8. I love lists. I sometimes make lists of lists I need to make. I need to have things written down in order to see what I need to do. I have grocery lists, to do lists, want to do lists, lists for work, lists for the kids, lists of home improvements that need to be done. It never ends!! I am not sure if it is just the list I love or the writting. Writting anything is theraputic for me. I have a ton of journals and I love to write notes. I started a blog hoping that would be the same, its close but not exactly the same.
9. I have a random thought about someone or something I need to say it to them. I send out a lot of random texts just becasue I need to say something and dont want to miss the chance.
10. I love music! I love music that means something to me. I will hear a song and listen carefully to the words. I will listen to a song over and over and when I am going through something. I use it to work through it. (I know...random) . I am not good at expressing an emotion but I can do this through music. Some of my favorites right now; "Say" - John Mayer, "Broken" Lindsey Hauhn, and "Anyway" by Martina McBride. I even have music I clean too!!
11. I do not like to be the center of attention. I prefer to be in the background in everything that I do. Even birthdays are horrifying for me, I dont like to be watched, or noticed.
12. One lady gave birth to me, another raised me. Love one of them....trying to love the other.
13. I have always wanted to be a nurse. I even had my CNA at one point and worked in a long term care facility. ( The only problem working there is Kelly would not come and visit me because he said it smelled like old people.). The last few years this is a renewed interest of mine....one I might soon consider looking into again.
14. A couple of years ago I took a job working as the Financial Officer for a large OBGYN's office. The owner hired me after working for her in a church position, and being a patient. When I started I did not balance my own checkbook, in fact I did nothing financial in my house (she knew this when she hired me). Since working at that job I now worry about my money ALL of the time! I cannot just go and buy whatever...I hate it, I really have to think about it first! If my checkbook does not have a cushion I freak out. Just recently I quit this job (this week), maybe the insanity will stop!
15. I need my friends, a lot! I have great friends, and I love them all. I am so greatful for the friendships that I have!
16. When I clean my house (usually once a week), I wont cook. It is not because I don't want to cook it is because I need my house to be cleaner just a little longer and once we go back to cooking, it's all over.
17. You can tell how I am feeling..or my mood..by the look of my house. If it is clean I am good, cluttered..I am busy, and a mess...well, I am a mess (you should see it today!!!)
18. I LOVE fresh flowers and try to always have some sitting on my counter. It is another one of those things that are based on my mood. After I clean I replaced the flowers. Just a side note...the ones I have now are dead what does that say about me?
19. I am jealous of people who are full of confidence. That is not me! I get embarrased by compliments and am never really sure of myself.
20. I have just lived through, (am still in the middle of), the hardest time of my whole life (so far). I have had a lot of trials in my life, most of which I could totally handle. This one is different. I have had to make decisions and choices for one of my children that will affect his life. As a mother you want to do what is best for your children, but sometimes it takes more then youv'e got.
21. I am learning there are times I have to depend on others, I prefer to do things on my own and never like to have to ask for help. Since I have not delt with #20 as well as I would like I am learning it is ok to accept help every once in awhile.
22. I LOVE texting! We took away Mekenzies phone due to her texting problem....had I known how easy it was to get addicted I maybe would have given her a break (maybe not). I love that I can send a text whenever I think of something I need to say, it is a problem. I love that I have a few friends that work nights so I can even text all night long if I need too (not sure they like it), I have solved a few of the worlds problems late at night during a texting conversation! The only thing I dont like is that I cannot always get the emotion to come across when I text and have to text an explanation......
23. I am greatful for my husband. He works hard to support our family and is a great father and husband. I cannot believe it has been over 16 years since we got married. How has he done it all these years???
24. I love to sing (see #6). I would never sing in front of people (see #11), but I have. I actually sang in church and at school as a teenager. Not sure what happened but your chances of seeing that are long past unless you sneak in during our family karaoke! Me and Mekenzie sing a mean duet!
25. I cannot sit still. I need to always be doing two things at once. If I watch TV I will be on the computer or putting something together. Even when I try to sleep I constantly move my feet (It makes Kelly crazy). It makes me anxious for my hands to not be busy. So little time, so much to do! I am a great multi-tasker!! Sometimes I want to just sit! I spend the whole time battling with myself about things I could be doing at the same time. It is exhausting!!

Martin Luther King Day

This morning as I was going over some of Camden's Papers from school, one of them stood out. It was his "I Have a Dream" page. In celebration of Martin Luther King day the kids all wrote their own dream. Here is Camden's:
I Have a Dream...
I wish Kellen would get better so I can play with him and so I don't have to take out the trash and do all the dishes. And I also want to play his Play Station Portable. And his MP3. And so he could go to bed at the same time as me. And so he can also not always have junk food like me. And also be healthy like me.

This is so sweet, in a way. Especially if you read between the lines at his dreams for Kellen's health, and not just him being so overworked! Camden is so kind hearted and hates to see others struggle. I am off to get a tissue!

A Really Long Week

It has been a long week in the DeVoogd house. Kellen had to have some major surgery this week and it was one of the roughest week of our whole lives. Kellen has Inflammatory Bowel Disease - or - Crones Disease. He has major problems with his intestines. He has had many surgeries some minor and a few major ones. This one was by far the worst. Not just physically, though physically it was awful for him. But also mentally, this was a hard one!
He went in Tuesday and had a procedure then after a night of vomiting and pure misery was taken in for surgery on Wednesday morning. I wont go into details other then to say it was a very long week. And it is one of two surgeries. He will have another, though not as hard for him, in 6 weeks. I learned a lot this week. If you read our Carepage we have set up for Kellen this is a repeat, you can stop reading now. If you don't read it here is what we learned:
1. I am thankful for our good doctors and hospitals that have the ability to care for our children, and are able to think "outside the box" even if it means rigging up some feeding bags to avoid "spillage" so a self conscience 10 year old boy is not horrified when he is sitting covered in nasty!!
2. I am thankful for the ability to be tired but still function and to be exhausted and ignore it. It was just this morning I told Kelly if he did not go home I had hit a wall and was beyond tired. Today is the day I truly felt extreme exhaustion. I am not sure of many people who could sleep only 1-2 hours a nigh and still feel like a human throughout the day. There was never a time I thought I would not be able to be "up" and "available" for Kellen. This is one of those small miracles that happened this week. I should not have been able to function...I should have "cracked"
3. I am thankful I have a husband who is willing and able to take care of everything at home. As well as my crazy complaints and requests. He was available for the kids, me, and even kept the house looking good.
4. I am thankful to have the kids I do. The ones who are at home but are doing all they can to help out. Mekenzie was great helping with laundry and cleaning. She even sat with her brother one afternoon so me and Kelly could have a 10 minute conversation we needed to have alone. Camden was pretty easy going and just went with the flow. As long as we made sure he got a little individual time he did great being shipped off and moved around all week.
And of course Kellen. There are a lot of kids in the hospital. A lot of crying, screaming, yelling, and bossing around. Kellen was so good, he always is. Never complaining when he has every right too. Crying only when he has reached a breaking point, and never being rude or out of control. He said "thank you mom" so many times to me I had to hold back tears when he would say it to me after he had just been through something so rough yet still made sure he was kind to me.
5. I am thankful for good friends who brought us food - to our home and the hospital. Who called and called then called Kelly when I was unable to answer because I was having my own little breakdown to see what they could do. Who texted when I couldn't answer the phone sometimes late into the night, who facebook chatted even thought they wanted to go to bed. And who visited with Kellen and made him realize it is all going to be ok!
6. I am thankful that we are in a situation where I did not have to leave my child alone in the hospital while I went to work. Leaving him having to fend for himself. This happens a lot from what I heard or saw. I have complained about being stuck in the hospital...I needed to remember it is actually a blessing to be able to be there and give my child the one on one care he needs. I could have never left him.
7. I am thankful I was able to bring my child home with me. Knowing that what is going on with him is permanent but, he is still here with us. I did not have to wonder if he was going to get to come home, or if he would be ok. This hit me really hard this week knowing how very lucky I am.
8. And finally I am thankful to have a home to come "home" too. With my own bed and shower. Even if we came home to a water leak that looks really bad and a lot of work ahead to get Christmas taken down and my house sterilized so I feel like I can actually care for Kellen appropriately.
It is going to be a long couple of weeks at the DeVoogd house. I am tired even thinking of it. But we are so blessed and thankful for all that we have.